If you want me I will be a bit emo for the next few weeks.

So I have been cheated on. By John. Who is now dating the girl he cheated on me with.

I am not happy.

There is nothing more to say except we have split up and it is killing me.

I have not opened my heart out to another guy since Nick or Gary. I don't think I will again.

At least not for a long while til I can overcome the shame and pain of it.

Makes me ask questions I rather not answer:
Why was I not good enough? Why did you not dump me before hand? How long did he cheat on me? Did he cheat on me before, in our 2 and a bit year relationship? Why did he lie about it when confronted- and then still be emotional manipulative to try to control the situation? Why did he keep saying he want me back but make no effect to get back with me..though still claim that I left a hole in his heart when I left? Why did I give him a second chance when he hurt me badly before- or a first chance when I did not want to date him in the first place? How many people knew before me? Why didn't he realize a depressive, suicidal woman did not want to know a man was a lying cheater, and it made me retreat so far into myself it hurts?
.............
I guess most of the questions can be answered with: He is a big fat loser that does not deserve you because you are (insert nice adjectives here).

It does not help knowing that his friends are disgusted, the "new" girlfriend is going to France in a few months, showing he is using her as a way to feel the hole and I have been asked out already.
It does not help that now I got more free time to plan holidays, not feel stupid reading web comics or waste time trying to understand and compromise.

It does help that I have fantastic friends that have let me cry on their shoulders for the weeks where the heartbreak has been too hard to bear.
Hopefully more more smiles and adventures soon.

Boo.

Valentine's Day love!

I hate Valentine's. Seriously I do. For a person in a loving relationship and who has free time to plan things for her lover, I was not the most happiest come the 14th.
It is not the stress.
It is not the commerical. nature.
It is the fact that one day out of the whole year people are forced to go against their nature and be nice and romantic to who falls into their lustful eyesight. Come on guys. There are 365 days in the year last time I checked. You do NOT need to wait til Febuary to show that you care and love someone..

That rant out of the way, I did have a good time.
John phoned me and told m
e to dress in leathers and warm clothes. It meant one thing. I was going to ride on his bike (He hates riding with others so that was a treat in itself!)
After having a quick hot choc and me posing in the lid he borrowed for me:

The question where/what are we going to do was soon answered when we pulled up outside Bloomsbury Bowling Alley. For those that don't know it, it is a cool bar that has bowling, Karoke, gigs, dancing, random machines and a 50's style.
It was cool, Quirky and totally us.

Food was consumed:
(yes it had to be typically us..Ordering more then we can eat..The milkshakes were cool though..and ridiculously filling!

Bands were admired:

(Check them out..Scarlett's Rose was amazing live. Love the blond singer's voice!)

And our competitive nature arose when we bowled with our funny names:

I lost but only because John managed to get 3 strikes. Well it was nearly Turkey after all..(his favourite word it seems.)

I also embarrassed John by repeatly asking for tea. The guy felt sorry for me and evenually made me one from the staff stock! Well, if you ask you get don't you.

I also got a heart balloon. Doesn't it look like nipples..? It does doesn't it..? It is not just me, is it..?

I wanted to keep it, but John decided to burst it on me as he claimed
"I would look like a twat if I was riding a bike with a balloon sticking out".
Meanie.
Still, I got a new band to be obessed about and I Really want a bike. Good times
:P

Soo..this is the freerun championships huh..?

As you may well know, I do love mini adventures and experiencing new things. Hence why I was so excitied over the prospect of going to see Professional Freerunners in the World Championship with John yesterday. Yep, Thanks to Barclaycard, 20 something year old males had a chance to dance, jump, spin, summersault, jump, climb and generally impress the crowd with extraordinary movement. And the crowd was certainly stunned! There was about 27 men competing from 17 countries. The best ones I feel were from UK-"Live Wire", America "Lopez" and a 16 year old..I think called Pasha..

Shaun Wood

Andrej 'N-D' Lisal

Lukas 'Luggi' Steiner

Gaettan Bouillet

Olivier Pitot

Pedro Thomas

Joao Baeta

Delian 'Dido' Dimitrov

Marwan 'Majora' Elgamal

Nicolas Bosc

Yoann ‘Zephyr’ Leroux

Khoa 'KoH' Huynh

Jason Paul

Andrejs 'Djuxa' Turanovs

Pavels ‘Pasha’ Petkuns

Tomas Gudenas

Erick 'Daer' Sanchez

Vincent Watson

Sérgio Bödtker-Lund

Alejandro 'Link' Domarco

Filip ‘Flippad’ Ljungberg

Marcus ‘Zyrken’ Gustafsson

George 'G-Force' Mayfield

Tim 'Livewire' Shieff

Paul 'Blue Devil' Joseph

Gabe 'Jaywalker' Nunez

Victor 'Showtime' Lopez

The stage had about 4 levels on it. It had scaffoldholding and drainpipes to..

There were 2 accidents though, with clumsy Landings being the cause (I know,the nurse in me couldn't help but to mention it!..they were fine, though no doubt peed off they lost due to tripping, rather then being outshone) Also diversity from Britian's got Talent performed. They were amazing live and I would order anyone that wanted a good clean laugh to watch their performance..Ashley the "leader" is so tall. Seroiusly. Like 6'5. Lovely guy though.



Hmm.Winner was eventually declared as LiveWire. I could see why as he pulled some serious Crowd pleaser like a one hand handstand, and great technique on the bars. He had fluency, talent and a great presence on the stage.. Close runner up was the American Lopez.. Wooh to all those that competed..you guys rock! :)

More info and great pictures are here. Also here:

An average day for the Lovers

Hm, so my life cannot all be parties and farting out glitter. Sometimes I want a nice quiet day eating junk food and playing board games. That's exactly what Monday was about.
With my eye infection and lack of energy, I crawled to Cheam to be pumped up by Chris and John.
It was good I did.

Not only did I have them (kindly) get me pizza (with a zillion chesse bits) we also played a game called Risk.

u
Risk it seems was a game that needed stragetic. It needed careful planning and tactics. It need a person to see the big picture.
I lost. Badly.

Still, with the cherry pie, the bike ride to get it and watching a weird film with Simon Pegg and the guy that plays Ross in Friends. Tis a fun night..

A anarachy meetings on Bikes..? I'min!

John took me to Critical mass today. After waking up, deciding to go with him, and then having a panic attack thinking about the fact that:
1. I have not cycled since I was 14 and even then it it was not on the streetsof London
2. Traffic. Me on an exposed metal device. Not liking the odds
3. The accidents that may happen. Seen way to many disasters when it was bikes vs Cars/Buses/Trucks..The out come is not pretty.
4. A huge crowd of people. Urgh

Anyway, John managed to convince me it was a good idea, and so I went off...

First we went to pick up a woman known as"Sane Becky". I have yet to meet "Starbucks Becky" to compare the two, but she was cool. A traveller it seemed, as she came back from Mexico and was making plans to go back there..

We had a practice round at John's before taken off to the Station,and onwards to Waterloo.

I managed to get 2 flat tires during that time. (Only me, I know!)

Critical Mass was okie. There wereabout 300 or so bikers of different ages and cultures. Once we all got going it was scary. A wave of bikers all blocking the roads was terrifying!
It was good fun though..I crashed twice and kept speeding off from the main group (Elise and Dan were there as well..)
Still, It was useful to see how it was building up my confidence on the roads and getting to know the gears..




We zoomed for about 4 hours around the west end,before the group split up into smaller and Smaller parts.
We decided to head off ourselves..Brought pop and chatted in Waterloo (Well they chatted..I was trying to catch my breath subtly to hide the fact I am really unfit)..

Still...Good night. Wooh

When love is not madness, it is not love.

Yes. John is back in my life. I foolishly let him back in. No comment please. As Pedro Calderon de la Barca said: When love is not madness, it is not love.

We met, he spoke. I forgive.

I have not forgotten the pain, and I won't forget the humiliation. His choice to try to tame my emotions and earn my trust..Everyone deserves a second chance right..?

So..Single lady again

It hurts. It is an end of a long era for me and John, and now that is finished, I feel sad.

14 months, several hundred mini adventures, tears and smiles. All gone.

Still, at least I can look back with fond memories and think we were good together while it lasted..

Goodbye and thank you Mr Stevenage. Have lots of luck and love where ever you go.

NewCastle here I come!

Newcastle.A place far up north England. So far from London and where John is working for the next few weeks. Also the place I spent the weekend with him. Fun times.
Being a student and extremly poor, I decided to get the coach up there. It took 8 hours.It was tortue. Still, to see my lover again was worth it. John came down twice, His friend Dan stalked him at his hotel and now it was my turn.
I came at the right time as his company gave him a flat while he was up there, as well as a generous living allowance and a maid.
Getting off the coach after entertaining myself by bitching about the ride, I found myself falling in love with the town and the people. A city full of Ant's and Dec's. Joy.

The flat was on the other side of town, and me being me I got lost.Even though a nice guy drew me a fancy map I got lost. I know..Useless aren't I..?



John was doing a test, then buying a bike, then fixing the bike over the few days I was staying.eI was pissed, but what could I do..? I did like the bike he got though. Broom. Sexy..



I entertained myself in exploring the many cultural places. There were several art galleries like:



A better version of the tate modern in our dearly London.


A mixture of the Science and the Natural History Muesum. Inferior to both though..

As well as the photographic gallery and weird exhibitions that were random.

Walk by the River Tyne was cool. There was a lot of country side there.





A lot of animals to. There was the EAT festival on that showed the lifestock. All of them looked me in the eye which made me feel guilty of being so in love with the taste of their flesh so much. Going to try really hard to give that up!




The town was pretty as well..



Our China Town was better though..This was the only good shot there:


Also had a good resturant or two..


Even Rolo stalked me up there:



Did spend some time with John. Cooking mostly..amoung other things..:P






It was a sweet weekend, that ended all to soon...A kiss and a quick lunch was had on Monday, and another eight hour coach ride back. Was trapped inside a hot metal container for the day with screaming kids in my ear. Not happy at all about it.. Still, next fortnight I get to do it all over again.. >