WLTM a serendipity now..

So I was in the pub with a good friend when I thought I should write a list.
Yes, I resorted to writing a list to see what sort of Person I want to be with..A clear idea of who I wish the universe would send in my direction..That and I was having a laugh at Dan's expression when he read it after it was done!
Anyway, here is the list:


Pixiewolfe's lover shall agree with (most) of these statements:

-Thou Shall be a Serendipity
-Thou shall not want butt Sex or Rim me and try to kiss me straight after. That is just eww.
-Thou shall like Manga and Anime
-Thou Shall be spontaneous with Romance
-Thou shall respect the Pixiewolfe's Music taste
-Thou shall like Nature
-Thou shall not want Children
-Thou shall love rats and Sea Monkey
-Thou Shall give a satisfactory answer to the Robin Hood Morality Test (Which is here!)
-Thou Shall enjoy webcomics
-Thou Shall not argue about beliefs to the point of making the other cry
-Thou Shall be sexually comparable and sexually desire the PixieWolfe. PixieWolfe must also desire them.
-Both Shall be liked by both sets of friends. Friends are my family.
Thou shall not use violence to get his own way.
-Thou shall be respectful and truthful. Even if it hurts.
-Thou shall not be a homosexual
-Thou shall not be a A) Chav B) Fashion Slave C) A faker
-Must understand my laugh is not fake
-Must play at least one console to understand the joy of gaming
-Must own at least one Tim Burton movie that does not include Planet of the Apes
-Must get on with the family, or live outside the family house
-Thou shall not take drugs or excessive alcohol (I personally hate it!)
-Must enjoy traveling and Gigs..Even if you cannot afford it.
-Must not hold extreme left or right views.
-Must blog, vlog or have a facebook to ensure ease of online stalking.
-Must be able to deal with my craziness..

Anyway, sure there will be more to add to the list.

For now, night night my lovers! x

If you want me I will be a bit emo for the next few weeks.

So I have been cheated on. By John. Who is now dating the girl he cheated on me with.

I am not happy.

There is nothing more to say except we have split up and it is killing me.

I have not opened my heart out to another guy since Nick or Gary. I don't think I will again.

At least not for a long while til I can overcome the shame and pain of it.

Makes me ask questions I rather not answer:
Why was I not good enough? Why did you not dump me before hand? How long did he cheat on me? Did he cheat on me before, in our 2 and a bit year relationship? Why did he lie about it when confronted- and then still be emotional manipulative to try to control the situation? Why did he keep saying he want me back but make no effect to get back with me..though still claim that I left a hole in his heart when I left? Why did I give him a second chance when he hurt me badly before- or a first chance when I did not want to date him in the first place? How many people knew before me? Why didn't he realize a depressive, suicidal woman did not want to know a man was a lying cheater, and it made me retreat so far into myself it hurts?
.............
I guess most of the questions can be answered with: He is a big fat loser that does not deserve you because you are (insert nice adjectives here).

It does not help knowing that his friends are disgusted, the "new" girlfriend is going to France in a few months, showing he is using her as a way to feel the hole and I have been asked out already.
It does not help that now I got more free time to plan holidays, not feel stupid reading web comics or waste time trying to understand and compromise.

It does help that I have fantastic friends that have let me cry on their shoulders for the weeks where the heartbreak has been too hard to bear.
Hopefully more more smiles and adventures soon.

Boo.

So this is Pokemon..?

I am 22. I am developing a minor love for Pokemon. Please help me.

Yes, you heard right. I am play with cute creatures from a vitural reality. And I am not ashamed to say it.
Bearing in mind that everyone grew out of it when they were 12, and the only people that do like them are in Bath or USA it can be lonely to be tapping away on a DS knowing I will never fill up the damn Pokedex.

Amusing that people keep sending me comic strips like:

And:


Oh. This is my favourite Pokemon by the way (if you were interested) :


Pokemon gotta catch them all...POKEMON!

So..I moved back home

So East London was not good for the depressive. I was self harming and not talking to anyone. I was being argumentive and could not deal with anything..So what I did was run back at my Mama and cry on her shoulder about how life was mean and cruel and I was unable to deal with it.

I know. It was bad.



The worst thing for me in dealing with depression is the fact I am smart enough to know that it is only a chemical in my brain making me feel suicidal. I know that I have a lot to look forward to, and be grateful for.

• I have great friends who would look after me, and like my company
• A mother with depression who knows and can offer support and advice
• An okie choice in career, even if I don't like it (Can fall back on Nursing..no matter what..)
• Intelligence and charm that makes it easy to get on with people and make friends or lovers
• A supportive Boyfriend who does try to understand
• Opportunities to do whatever I like
• A job to go back to that pays reasonable well

It still does not make much of a difference. Somedays Iwalk to the top of my road and wish I had the courage to end it all. There are many reasons why people would argue against it. It does not matter. I feel I should not have to justify my feelings.

At least it is getting slowly better. I don't feel as bad and Iam looking forward to going back to finish off my course.

It was horrible to fail A and E. It was horrible to have to move from Benthnal Green and Then from Stepney. It was horrible finding out my Uncle died, and family history and breaking up with John. It was horrible going on benefits and feeling a failure for not working. It was not good laying around the house ripping my skin til the blood came out or hiding from everyone. It was horrible having to move back to my Mama's and lying to people that I am something I am not (a Catholic Nurse who is moving up in the career ladder..)

I really hope the worst is over and I finally get some more happiness in my life :(

A new dawn on a new day, it's a new life..and I'm feeling good!

As usually when it comes down to a new year there is always this habit to make a promise to one self. To lose weight. To learn a new skill.. To have sex with a handsome guy/girl to validate yourself and your power to seduce..

For myself, I promised a somewhat easier vow to maintain for 2010..

To only spend time with close friends and cut out all those that drain me in time, money and emotion.

This does not include people that have been there for me and now have fallen on hard times themselves and need help with emotions/heartbreaks/money/new job/ insert another problem here. I mean those that have fallen out of contact, or who never make the effort. Those that avoid helping you but want everything you can offer and more. The users who make you feel little and make you cry and ask "fuck it..why are they still in my life?!".

So without farther ado, let's hope I maintain great friendships, gain knowledge that makes me smile and above all..Contains loads of mini adventures :)

My pirate name..Aye haaa

I thought I would share it with you....

:)

Never fun to be a prisoner inside one's head.

Depression is a harsh thing to deal with. It eats away at oneself. It destroys friendship. It isolates people. It is what I have been diagnosed with and what the doctors have said I had for years. Great.
They have given me some tablets, and told me to get CBT. The only bad thing is that now that I live in East London it will take a while for me to see someone over there.
Advice they have given me is the obvious. Do not isolate oneself. Stay with friends. Read. Do things that you enjoy.
The only bad thing is that the drugs they gave are giving me more side effects then the depression has. So I feel to tired to work in the hospital. So I am now on benefits and feel to drugged to do most other things. This is not a good way to be I know..But what I do..?


At least I am getting help now right..?

Soo..What makes a girl be beautiful..?

This post is to show off my sexy hair do done by a good friend Natasha. Enjoy the sexiness..?

When love is not madness, it is not love.

Yes. John is back in my life. I foolishly let him back in. No comment please. As Pedro Calderon de la Barca said: When love is not madness, it is not love.

We met, he spoke. I forgive.

I have not forgotten the pain, and I won't forget the humiliation. His choice to try to tame my emotions and earn my trust..Everyone deserves a second chance right..?

Exam timess

Final exam to be taken today. It is the management and drugs calculations.


Wish us luck!

Reasons why it R.O.C.K.S to be Single..

Soo.
As you properly know the long relationship of the man I thought I would marry has ended. No sign of us getting back together.. *I know, he was good, but still..Don't think it be the best idea for Either of us. At all.*

Anyway, I have been dragged to so many "Friends Dates" that even though my heart is full with their love, my bank account is empty. Reminds me of the song by The Holloways..Happiness and Penniness. Oh and maybe Generator mashed in the mix as well.

Oh No,
Now my last penny has been spent
Still my life is heaven sent
Cause i got my friends
To help me through this time
I'll repay you in the end
Don't you worry
I promise you I'll pay you back with Time

It has not been all bad being single. In fact I can think of some good reasons why I am better off:

-I can flirt with other people without feeling bad..(I AM A FLIRT. THAT IS WHO I AM.DEAL WITH IT OR LEAVE MY AWESOME PRESENCE NOW!)
-I can accept people buying me drinking in the clubs
-Spend way more time (and money) on mates
-I can have a lot more time to do things I want
-I will not be criticised for wanting to spend all day in bed while the sun is shining in all it's glory
-I can move in with girlie mates!
-I can go off to Scotland to finish off my Nursing training without thinking.."Nooo, Lover is in London..How will I cope?!!"
-I will not have to listen to stories about car, bad puns, unfunny jokes and house music.
-I can find some one who *actually* into the same things I am into, rather then have to grin and bear it.
-I can eat meat without feeling like I will be punished by not being kissed.
-I can kiss girls WITHOUT having to cheat to do so ;p
-I can sing outloud without people telling me to shut up. (Am I that bad...?)
-I don't have to put on an act in front of his sister or feel like crap in front of his Father.
-I can finally drop the act that running is a good idea. It is not.It never is. Not even running for the bus.
-I can be with those that understand the greatness of Scrubs
-Dirty dancing man.
-I can stop hiding aspects ofmy life that was not *really* accepted or wanted and concentrate on being complety myself with those that like me for me-


Anyway, the list could go on, but I will spare you the boredom and just back the many friend dates I had instead. K..?

:)

-Thanks to everyone that helped me get my smileback.You know who you are. You guys rocks my world!-

A sonnet fromme...To you...

P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (00:26):
Riaz is a doggy
That made the girls quite soggy
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (00:27):
He treated them nice
With champagne and Ice
The situation was quite foggy

Riaz says (00:34):
cahterine was stereotypically gobby
one fine summers day
lest she succumb to my scorn
Riaz says (00:35):
yet she still remains gay
Riaz says (00:37):
whatever should i do?!
i chant as i pace back and fourth
this gal should be admonished
else i'll send her up north!
Riaz says (00:38):
she'll live with the plebs
due to that big mouth
Riaz says (00:39):
and therein she shall realise
curse the damned scouse!

P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (00:40):
That made no sense
Awwhaaa
Riaz says (00:40):

i've had 5 hrs sleep over 48 hrs
i'm frustrated
both mentally and sexually
Riaz says (00:41):
and you tease me so!
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (00:41):
It was heartfelt
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (00:42):
I will put it on myblog
Riaz says (00:42):
lol no!

Poor Riaz..Did warn you it would happen..

So...This is Gaia.

Gaia.
I have had a love/hate relationship with this website starting from the tender age of 15. I remember seeing a friend from school start playing it, and thinking "Ooohh manga!"

Anyway, some 6 years on the love affair continues..
Lookie at my Avi...




Oh, Just so lovely and Sexy.

Hm, Reasons to love gaia go on and on.

Let us just argee to love it..

Join in the fun here:

www.gaiaonline.com

So...It is May Already..?!

I never would have thought that the days could slip so much through my fingers. Or I could not hve noticed the days getting warmer, while my course is nearly up. -Gulp- I LIKE BEING A STUDENT NURSE WAAY TO MUCH. Okie, my last placement being the Accident and Emergency is great. Really.Doing a lot of cool things.

Like:

-Given fluids
-Looking after a side of A and E.
-Given injections

-Doing ECG'S

-Learning way to much about trauma care
-Last Rites
-Resus on Cardiac Patients
-Testing Urine

-Triaging people to be seen on the basis of their injury/concern.
-Working as an equal to doctors (I tell them info, they tell me info)

Anyway, aside from that I have no live. I have gotten downto some hard core revision, trying to convince myself to write one last Essay and applying for every Job for the Newly Qualified Nurses. I am growing up to fast it seems...>< Scary Times.. The place I work in is so nice to me. Cake and Choclate appear daily.The boss man is really approachable and I am fitting in. My plan is to suck up to them loads so they can give me a job at the end of August... Wish me luck on that Quest!


Anyway, Camera is broke so no camwhoring for a while...
Sad times..:(

So..Another House Party

Hm, I always seem to be dragged into house parties at the moment. I find it weird considering that it Summer and the fact that most of them are not in the Garden. Weird that English People cannot trust the fact that Summer is here...THERE IS SUN HERE PEOPLE. NO LIE. Anyway, the party in question was Natasta's friend. Named Natasta. How lovely. The took place straight after my placement, so I was tired, sweaty and had no phone battery to take any sort of decent Photos. It was a tragic affair. Still, there was food there, as well as a lot of alchol. Nash brought this really dodgy Cranberry vodka Urgh it was nasty! Too sweet and burned.was forced to listen to every sort of music exceot Indie, but still..It was bearable. Plus the people there were lovely. I was called "Baby" for obvious reasons, though didn't mind it.. Was the firstone to leave though around 3am..And even was forced to argee to let someone drive me home, as they said night buses are dodgy. Good times.





(Nash needs to give me the rest of the photos..Before you ask!)

So..John used to Blog.

I was talking to Rolo and the convo of Old blogs came up. I used to keep diaries since I was 6 and it was only recently that I decided to keep my thoughts and memories on line..This is due to the fact I can pretend to be "Studying", the ease to include photos without printing them off and the time limit. Plus the Pain of rereading the entries-Let's just say knowing that a lot of people are going to reread what I hastily type, makes me want to be *Slightly* less emo.. Anyway..

John's Blog:



Rosie's blog
Rolo's myspace
(She has loads..But cannot remember the addy of them. Tis!!)



First internet Love
First Blog on Blogger
Then Second

And of course.Myspace! (Which was inbetween the blogger 1 and 2)
(You get the point..See how I improved. I was so bad at writing back..only slightly better now)

So..A roundabout Conversation!

Drug Calculations are on the Revision list:


As most people know, I cannot do Maths well AT ALL! In fact it is my weakness. Urgh..
Poor Shane spent longer then necessary trying to teach me the easier way. Book says one thing. Shane says another..Ididn't know who to believe so I gave up. Damn it all. Anyway..

P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:38):
5. A patient is prescribed a stat dose of Atropine 600 micrograms.

The pharmacy supplies ampoules containing 1 mg/5ml.

How much do you give?

Need help
MR X says (21:41):
3ml
because there is 200ml in every ml
so 2 * 3 = the 600
i mean 200mc in every ml
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:42):

1000 mcg to every mg
What..?
Explain more please
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:43):
Need help
Step by step
Idoit proof
What is happening tomorrow..?
MR X says (21:43):
no
stop
i'll explain
1mg in every 5 ml
1mg = 1000 mc
MR X says (21:44):
if we divide 1000 by 5 you get 200
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:44):
yessss
MR X says (21:44):
so for every 200 we add
so 200 + 200 + 200 = 600
mc
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:44):
Why divide 1000 by 5
Is it not
MR X says (21:45):
its the most basic
if you do it shorter you can work it out for example
10/5
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:45):
What is needed/ what it comes in times by the liquid (mls)
MR X says (21:45):
give you half
so its even
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:45):
Noo
Need the formula
So I know for other times
MR X says (21:46):
okay you need 600mg
well you said it
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:46):
yesss
MR X says (21:46):
what you need
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:46):
So
MR X says (21:46):
divided by what you got
timed by what you have
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:46):
600 divided by 1000 x5
Gives a different answer
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:47):
Nope
MR X says (21:47):
no
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:47):
Sorry
Trying to do it manually
MR X says (21:47):
look sometimes that formula is shit
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:47):
And getting mixed up
Don't confuse mee
MR X says (21:47):
most of the time its common sense
MR X says (21:48):
lol
okay
have a break your working too hard on it
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:48):
Noo
. just. don't. get.it
I cannot break it down
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:49):
Like you did
MR X says (21:49):
what dont you get?
okay
LOOK
1mg = 1000mc basic
for this equation 1mg is 5ml
MR X says (21:50):
that's key
you need 600 mc
now if you simplify it you can have it in tens
for example
10 the total and you need six
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:51):
yesss
MR X says (21:51):
so if you count how many times you can divide into 6 you get 3 times
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:51):
But then 6 into 10 turns it into decimals
MR X says (21:51):
because you add by 2
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:51):

MR X says (21:51):
no you thinking too far ahead
its basic
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:52):
NOPE
MR X says (21:52):
you need 3
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:52):
Sigh
MR X says (21:52):
out of five
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:52):
need 600, got 1000
MR X says (21:52):
so imagine every one ml consists of 200mc
you're doing it wrong
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:52):
600 into 1000..60 into 100 6 into 10
MR X says (21:52):
one more time
MR X says (21:53):
1000mc in every mg
1mg = 5ml
you need 600mc
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:53):
6 divided into 10 equals o.6
MR X says (21:53):
1000 divided by 5
not 600
= 200
200 = 1ml
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:54):
o.6 x3 equals
BUT WHY DIVIDE THE 1000 BY 5ML IN THE FIRST PLACE!
MR X says (21:54):
1000 DIVIDED BY 5 NOT 600
EQUALS 200
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:54):
Thats what I want to know
MR X says (21:54):
you dont!
you had the wrong way round
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:55):
WHY ARE YOU DIVIDING THE 1000 BY 5
MR X says (21:55):
i mean you do!
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:55):
O.o
MR X says (21:55):
because thats how you do it
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:55):
Noo
MR X says (21:55):
because that's how you get the 1mg!
i mean 1ml
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:56):
The book says it is What is needed/ what it comes in times by the liquid (mls)

Not
MR X says (21:56):
well it's wrong
you divide what there is into the current formula
MR X says (21:57):
so you divide the 1000mc into the 5 ml
P.i.X.i.e: Is hiding in her purpleness says (21:57):
But why..?
MR X says (21:58):
because some of the book out there are shit, because some of the nurses who made those books are bad at math and because it's the only way you can do it
try it
tell me it doesnt get 200
because it does
and then that 200mc is you basic 1ml
so how many 1ml's will you need for 600???
THREE!!!!
and that's maths

So, guess whose Back!

So for the past few weeks my internet and exciting social life has seen me leave my beloved Blog gather dust
-Sigh-
But now, Thanks to lack of money and a nice talk to the people in Vodafone..I AM BACK.
And so are the crazy stories.
I promise..
And the back dating since March 10th startssss..Now.

(Stories of John love, Newcastle, Bath,cooking,A realisation and more Parties on the way to you.)
Love you all!

x

So..A random hobby

I decided to take up kinitting. Not sure why. Probably the fact that anything is better then studying and I must admit the thought of carrying a sharp pair of neddles is delightful..
There is also A FREE class in Peter Jones for people to get advise from other people and socialise. Iwas the only one without kids or little nieces/nephrews. Lil bit Awkward..


Still, wouldn't say I am the best at it. In fact, I am rubbish. This is my effort after an hour:




As you can see, it is so crooked. Stitches are neat though..Thank God for small wonders huh..?

I wanted to make a scarf..Maybe I could pretend it is for a very small bird instead..? Or deny knowledge of starting this damn hobby instead..?

So..What a houseparty

An escape was what I prayed for while I sat in my bedroom bored. And escape is what my friend gave me when she told me there was a houseparty in Bush. Yes, my dear Natasha texted me and told me that she was invited by her friend Ricky and that I should come to..I was delighted (tired though I was) and argeed. However, after meeting her and Sarah there, I discovered that we were stood up. After an hour of waiting in the cold for the ride back to his.




I was shocked and the other 2 gals were fuming. Still, it turned out to be a fun night in the end. Decided to go to the tube and there we meet this lovely guy called James. He was tispy, Austrialian and invited us back to his with the promise of getting us alchol.. Well, a party is a party right...? True to his word, he brought us what our heeats desired..Unfortunatly my voice was not loud enough and so we ended up with Brandy, not Rum. Grr. Still, we went to his and was introduced to his friends. They were all really nice guys..Which made me feel bad that I threw up after one to many drinks (in the bathroom,without *much* mess..But stilll..So unladylike..) AND threatened to break the ipod due to them playing Dance. Anyway, we stumbled out of there at 6 in the morning still really drunk. I was forced to eat a Maccie D's and got home at 7. I was groaning as I thought I had to meet Richard my ex.John was back from Newcastle and so wanted a big group to gather to see him..(Luckily that was not the case!) Anyway..Pictures of the night are here: