I thought that I would share with you a few of my favourites that made me feel slightly better..
Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML
Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style postion was fun, it reminded him what it would be like to rape a girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML
Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML
My girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
I walked to class in the rain after a long night of reading all 1200 pages of War & Peace in one sitting trying to cram for an in class essay, when I arrived nobody was there. I check the master postings of finals and look to see that my final was actually yesterday at 7 am. FML
Today, I went to the doctor to talk about my depression and low self-esteem. He told me that I shouldn't think of myself as a fat pig for being overweight. I don't think that and I'm NOT overweight. FML
Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML
I walked to class in the rain after a long night of reading all 1200 pages of War & Peace in one sitting trying to cram for an in class essay, when I arrived nobody was there. I check the master postings of finals and look to see that my final was actually yesterday at 7 am. FML
Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML
Me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML
Today, I sang at a retirement home with my school choir. Afterward we went to speak to the old people, just to get to know them a little. The first woman I shake hands with ask "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML
Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML
Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolls off of me without finishing, and says, "i'm bored." FML
Anyway, they may me feel slightly better. Bah, poor people ><yy th
o_O all of those confessions scare me.
ReplyDeleteBut they make you feel better..
ReplyDelete:P
This was sooooooo funny lol
ReplyDelete