So..I moved back home

So East London was not good for the depressive. I was self harming and not talking to anyone. I was being argumentive and could not deal with anything..So what I did was run back at my Mama and cry on her shoulder about how life was mean and cruel and I was unable to deal with it.

I know. It was bad.



The worst thing for me in dealing with depression is the fact I am smart enough to know that it is only a chemical in my brain making me feel suicidal. I know that I have a lot to look forward to, and be grateful for.

• I have great friends who would look after me, and like my company
• A mother with depression who knows and can offer support and advice
• An okie choice in career, even if I don't like it (Can fall back on Nursing..no matter what..)
• Intelligence and charm that makes it easy to get on with people and make friends or lovers
• A supportive Boyfriend who does try to understand
• Opportunities to do whatever I like
• A job to go back to that pays reasonable well

It still does not make much of a difference. Somedays Iwalk to the top of my road and wish I had the courage to end it all. There are many reasons why people would argue against it. It does not matter. I feel I should not have to justify my feelings.

At least it is getting slowly better. I don't feel as bad and Iam looking forward to going back to finish off my course.

It was horrible to fail A and E. It was horrible to have to move from Benthnal Green and Then from Stepney. It was horrible finding out my Uncle died, and family history and breaking up with John. It was horrible going on benefits and feeling a failure for not working. It was not good laying around the house ripping my skin til the blood came out or hiding from everyone. It was horrible having to move back to my Mama's and lying to people that I am something I am not (a Catholic Nurse who is moving up in the career ladder..)

I really hope the worst is over and I finally get some more happiness in my life :(

The lost art of Exploring.

It is good to be friends with someone gets pleasure in exploring. It is even better when that said person has free time at the same time as you. This person for me is Vince.
For today's adventure we decided to go to Tate Modern.
I was surprised that I liked some of the Artwork on display.
This artist in particular was really good for me and did a whole host of manga related work. It was interesting as well as stunning to the eye.


Couldn't stay in the gallery for the whole day, so went for lunch. Took him to Chilango- a Mexican chain. The portion was so big I struggled to finish mine and Vince did not complain of hunger for a good while after. Result for £9!


As usual we also went to a coffee house for a while. Vince knew of a cheap one off Piccidilly-Grace.
I was happy as they gave free smarties in a shot glass for every drink. Awesome.

Cookie's birthday Dinner

What more is there to explain..?
Cookie wanted to go out to Dinner for her birthday with close friends. I was entertained with good company while my stomach was entertained with good food.
The restaurant was in Russell Square-called . A mixture of all oriental food recipes from rice to weird soup. All cheap- though as I was a greedy pig and decided to order 2 starters and then 2 mains plus drinks mine was a bit excessive.
There was only 4 people I knew (Anna, Brenda, Cookie and Ryan (her boyfriend), so it was weird to talk to others















..As one knows I have been quite the reclusive so making "polite" conversation was not easy- glad I could stuff my mouth with food and avoid that issue!





Harder when Anna shouted out "Stop taking sex talk there!!". I would not mind but I was listening to Ryan talking about Cookie. -Sigh-. Am I that predictable in my chat?

We did joke that cookie should have her own twitter page to rival www.twitter.com/shitmydadsays.

The dinner got better when we realised that Brenda made a cake for Cookie..As we all know that she bakes only in special times, we realised how good it would be..(and it was. It was indeed..)







It did put a damper on thing getting the bill. Weird to think that food cost that much! What the hell?

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY COOKIE! :)..We all love you <3

There is a little blue in all of us..

I have moved back to Chelsea and yet Old street still calls me. It was with that thought in my head I decided to travel back up to spend an evening with my darling Anna and co.
First stop was the fine waterhole known as Weatherspoons. Aimed with embarrassment (as much as I could be that is- this is me you are talking about) as I spent the last half an hour drinking by myself in the wrong pub, not even alcohol mind, just hot chocolate, I was soon joining the ranks in conversation and laughter.
Anna was there of course, as well as Vince, Brenda, Leo, Jamie, Jamie's friend and Serena (I finally met this exclusive character. Exciting.)














There was not much new talk going on-mostly jokes and random gossip inbetween the usual complaints of jobs and lack of money.
Did down a pint in one go though, winning myself a pitcher from a red faced Jamie.


Did not touch the shots though..Left that to Anna and other braver souls!



We did not stay there the whole time though.We moved on to a great bar called "Old Blue". It plays really good music. I was happy.











It was my first time out in a while, so I got myself tired out early. Shamefully I left just at half 12..usually it is 3 at the earliest!
Vince went with me and we wandered around the street eating burgers, chips and random salad. That and talk nonsense. Aw, good times..Same time, same place next fortnight I hope :P

Good night!

The main characters of 2010

As you know, i do this every year..Why stop now..? (Similar to 2009 post but it is true- still good friends all of you :P)


The Boyfriend:
My boyfriend is called John. He is obsessed with the website twitter, Dad's army (which I hate) and music that seems to be based on whether I not I would like it- The more I hate it the more he likes it, it seems)..Still.. I do love him <3
The Old School friends...
Rosie Rosie is a girl I knew since I was 3. We went to the same primary and Secondary School. Though she lives far from me,we catch up a lot on MSN. Indie Music, gossiping and stalking people on the net are main hobbies of hers and she is currently dating a guy called Charlie who she lives with in Shelfield. Her Blog is here!


Harry Harold I knew since I was 3 or 4-again from primary School. He lives in my neighbour hood and is a workaholic..(Holds two jobs and looking to get a better career after Uni). He is too trendy for words with a much better fashion sense then me. He also hates animals and goes to the gym a lot..



Vanessa Vanessa is a smart woman who went home to Malaysia and is back in England studying Medicine. She has a sweet dog called Toffee, a great boyfriend Joel and is able to play the Piano which I am Jealous of..And hold a tune. -Sigh- Basically she is smart, very pretty and talented. And not a bitch about it!

Daniel S (AKA Valient). This is a guy I met in Sixth Form. Dan is too smart for his own good, a talented artist and obsessed with Games. He lives in Bath, which is good for me as I get to visit him there. ^_^
Chris Duffin What to say about Chris..? He is an Irish guy that moved there when we were 13. He was my first "Puppy love" (I can admit it finally after years of trying to hide it) who is, beyond the Sarcasm is actually a sweet guy. Has bad jokes though. Be warned :P





Lora H Lora is a self confessed geek that loves reading,D n D and doing webcomics- as well as writing.She lives in America *boo*, though wants to come to London soon..She also studies Latin which is cool.

The Uni Lot

Belinda Belinda is my rock at Uni as she is stable and sensible about things work related,while I try to fill her days with weird stories and/or mini adventures. Needless to say we get on get! Indie music, a love of Camden and being confused by what comes after Kingston are a few of the things we share..


Sarah Sarah has cool eyes and says"Oh my Dayssss Catherine!" a lot. She is constantly laughing and does not drink at all. Currently struggling to find herself after Kingston and hides in Greenwich when she needs peace,


Smi Smi is from Nepal. She loves Chocolate, drinking and family events..She has a passion for shopping as well. Studying Accountants, lives with her family and in Farnbourgh. Miss her company loads :(
Gina A feisty lady who I respect (and fear) more then I care to admit..She likes being single and is furiously proud of being a woman and having her own home. One of the few to escape from Kingston happy.

Shane This man is reliable, gentlemanly and self reflects a lot. Does Mental Health Nursing and secretly adores the musical Wicked. Can fight well in Tai kwon Do. Has a habit of taking things too seriously sometimes. Also one to escape Kingston in one piece..

Natasha: Yet another cool woman. Into the every music that is opposite to my taste, makeup and has a sweet daughter. Very smart and currently looking to go back to studying.Good to have an adventure or two:



Verconia: This lady left in the second year, but was close to Dolly. She is the ideal Sloane Ranger, with good fashion and a quiet voice..In oxford studying though..


Dolly: A sweet girl with pretty hair that I love. Hard to entice to be bad, but it fun to try to make her so.. Working as a staff Nurse and saving for the finer things in life.


Random Friends
Claude I met this crazy french girl about 2 years ago. People think we are sisters. She is loud, has a strong punch, and loves KOKO. She also loves white wine and a good kiss.

Anna I met this lady through Claude and lived with her in East London..She showed me good clubs, music I used to hate and now love *cough* techno *cough* and how to deal with the bad things life throws at you..


Brenda:
A cool woman who is into Indie and travelling. Works in a bakery though has a Masters and the determination to go far. Met her through Anna. Secret talent is cooking

Cookie:
Actual name is Kuk. We have a lot in common and, like Brenda, can cook amazing dishes from basic ingredients. Has a lovely boyfriend called Ryan and looking to move in with him.



Angel:
Again, that is just a nickname..Actually called Aanchal. Quiet and hard to get out as she loves her bed but willing to try anything once- Great company in Brighton.


Amma:
A fun loving French lass who does not drink, smoke or take drugs..I admire her so much for that..That and she is a very talented artist! Currently studying in Belfast.
Sky:
A Japanese woman who has a very Shoreditch fashion style as I always see her in retro stuff. Very cute and an ace party goer.
Garry and Iwona: A very close couple. He is a DJ at a party called "FIDGET" and Iwona is a sexy lass from Poland. Hard to seperate them though! :)


Tom(aka TJ) Tom is a big weeaboo, a nice kisser and a nicer person. He is shy around girls, Love drum and bass and going to Weatherspoons. Oh and doing random dares. And rocking out to Alkaline Trio.

Hayley She lives in SouthEnd, goes to SunRooms and loves any phrase that has the word "Mental". I am secretly jealous of her looks, and the fact she is lovely makes it hard to bear.
Tom, Hayley and Rosie used to go to the same Uni...



Darren Darren is a guy I meet, while working in a company called Creative Events. He is a softly spoken, mini adventure seeking guy that is desperate to live closer to London.
Dan aka Blondie Dan is an Indie lover who has no posters in his room, lives in Surrey and cooks well. He also likes Indie and who also tells me to do things when I am drunk that makes me look silly. Like bite people..

Dan Gingery"Ginger Ninja"
A guy I truly love. He loves similar music as me, cycling and studies how grown men play with monkeys. Also an ace gig partner



Alberto: A guy that went to my primary school, secondary school, same College and Uni..though I only meet him by chance in a East London night club. Funny how things turn out huh..?


Vince: Belinda's now ex boyfriend, Vince is an Italian Musician. He is into 70's music, visiting different places in England and food. Especially if it Italian.



Maya: Anna's polish friend, she invitied me to go to Spain with her to help look after her little daughter. We had a fantastic trip with several adventures (me getting drunk and stealing 10 pints of fruit juice was one such story!)



Riaz Is a guy that disappers and reappers in my life. First entered in Sixth Form. Currently in King's having a midlife Crisis as he hates his course. Goes travelling a lot and likes to Ski




La Rebla Fam (LRF)
OK, It is a bit mean putting 6 mates under one label..But the band is good..Met Ben Stratford agess ago and when he joined LRF he introduced me to Anton, Simon, Donny, Rob and Sounds. Ace guys and the songs are passable to..See for yourself..






The Acton Lot!
Ben Ward Guy I met in Sixth Form. It was through him I met the rest of the the "Gang". He is sweet, has an impressive number of tattoos (best ones is the one on his bum), and likes gangsta films.
Jason, and Days: They used to have a band called "Before I forget", now reformed into "Dogs of Mars". Don't have a chance to speak to them often, but late night convos on MSN make me feel a little close to them..



The dogs:
My mum walks Neighbour's Dogs. Fred a. Here is a picture of him..